Should I choose a coach instead of a counselor?

First and foremost, I want to make it clear that I am fully supportive of counseling. As I write this blog, I am currently engaged in counseling myself. I've devoted a solid decade to being a counselor prior to becoming a coach. To all my colleagues in the counseling field who come across this, please understand that I stand with you. If any of my thoughts touch a nerve or spark a reaction, I am open to engaging in discussions on the matter.

Now, to address the potentially controversial question at hand. I'll keep this explanation concise, as much of it has already been covered in my previous blog post that outlines the distinctions between coaching, counseling, consulting, and mentoring.

Matter of Direction

Coaching is designed for individuals with a clear destination in mind. It caters to those who envision the person they aspire to become or have specific goals they want to achieve, seeking guidance to unlock their potential and move toward these objectives.

You might wonder, "Doesn't counseling also achieve this?" In some ways, yes. However, counseling generally aims for healing, regulated stability, and/or inner peace. These are stable states for functioning in society, but not necessarily progression after goals in life. This is why counseling aligns well with medical insurance models, whereas coaching probably never will. Counseling often begins with addressing pain, wounds, and hurt, and then progresses towards healing. This parallels the medical approach, where if you break a leg, you seek medical assistance to mend it, not to prepare for a marathon.While coaching and counseling share common elements, such as collaborative curiosity and client centered approaches, their directions fundamentally diverge.

However, as a former counselor, I found myself inadvertently incorporating coaching aspects at times. This shift occurred due to the momentum of care. Establishing a "Therapeutic Relationship" was a significant part of my counseling practice – a relationship built on trust and safety to address issues at hand. Because we had such a good relationship, they were actually in a good spot of repair, but were wanting to move forward to “potential more” in their relationships, goals, or life ambitions. I should have paused the counseling to identify this, and refered them to a coach. Hashtag “hind sight 20/20”. Hashtag “The more you know!”

Caretaker Bias

This leads me to another point. Counselors can hold the bias that "The longer the client stays in counseling, the more healing they'll experience." This pertains to the process versus the content of counseling. For the most part this is true, if you have healing that is needed. If you've undergone counseling, you're familiar with moments when it feels unremarkable, almost like venting. This is valuable; how often do you have someone truly listen to you for an hour, validate your concerns, and provide space for you to share your burdens? This is the essence of counseling.

However, over time, this could become cyclical, especially if there is no healing needed. I would even argue if it becomes cyclical, that should be a sign that maybe counseling needs a break. As long as a client isn't “flourishing”, counselors may feel their job remains unfinished, regardless of how much the client shares. The problem is that most often you as the client see flourishing as future oriented more than present healing, like the counselor sees it. And the counselor being client centered, is going to defer to your felt needs most of the time. Consequently, counseling could continue for years, unless the counselor recognizes this bias. While many capable counselors recognize this, it's a reflection of the progression seen in Western medicine. Surgeons, for instance, tend to lean towards surgery as the solution. A good surgeon exercises caution but might still opt for surgery if the patient's desire for healing and continued visits persists.

"How does coaching differ?" you may inquire. Firstly, a coach works toward a common goal defined by you, the client. If we deviate from this goal, a competent coach should address it. This is about realignment and adapting during discussions. There should be benchmarks set to achieve those goals. Challenges should be dissected, collaboratively analyzed, and overcome. While counseling might involve a lengthier process, coaching has a defined end goal. We have a clear destination in mind, and our meetings are intentionally geared toward reaching that destination. We're not processing pain and waiting for healing; we're moving forward step by step.

Can a counselor also be a coach? Yes, but with some conditions. That's why I no longer practice counseling. It's challenging to shift from a healing-focused mindset, especially when that's where you began. Counselors are naturally inclined to identify pain, name it, allow emotions around it, and provide time for healing. In the counseling world, I called this process "Time, Talk, and Tears”, adapted after a great trauma counselor, Diane Langberg. Once in that mode, it's not easy to transition into exploring future potential, especially if a triggering event occurs, for example.

Conclusion

So, do you need coaching or counseling? That's the pivotal question. It's also the question I contemplate during our initial discovery calls. I'm committed to not providing a service that might be better suited by another form of care. To aid in your decision-making, here are a few questions to consider:

- Do I carry unresolved past pain that's impacting my current reality? If so, counseling might be the path forward.

- Do I have a clear vision of who I want to become but feel confused or ambivalent about the route? This is prime territory for coaching.

- Am I lacking motivation to progress and require assistance in identifying motivations for moving forward? This aligns with coaching.

- Am I in counseling and experiencing a circular journey? Does counseling seem to amplify sorrow instead of fostering healing? It might be worth taking a pause from counseling to explore coaching or introduce coaching alongside therapy.

In either case, I'm here to connect and discuss the most prudent way forward. My aim is to help unravel confusion and work together to attain clarity through actionable steps over a defined period. To explore this further, click the button below to reach out.